Making the Most Out of a Ruined Season

From the first time some high school girl walked down the hall in her boyfriend's letter sweater, sports has been more fun with females committed to the game.

I really don't get males smiling, high-fiving and hooting in the stands in the jerseys of their current guy crushes, but women in the stands rooting for their teams, their stars and their winners makes any sport big fun.

At 55, Roger Goodell's childhood memories of football likely had more to do with college loyalties and the New York Giants than the blue collar appeal of the National Football League.  Perhaps he snickered or smiled as Broadway Joe Namath posed in pantyhose and made it okay to appeal to female fans.

The National Football League acknowledges that as much as 45 percent of its fan base is female. I submit that if flasks, hotdogs, hoagies and urinals were all the experience of going to games represented, blackout rules would make watching the home team dicey at best.

Professional football is not academic or amateur. It is mass entertainment, designed to appeal to families.  While the base is male, the marketing and the message is for men, women and their children, often procreated during halftimes or as spiked opportunities spurred on by victories for the regional favorite.

The convergence of the fates, or the stars, now gives America's favorite game and a substantial proportion of its fan base an opportunity to dramatically alter our culture and our society.

The melting pot of U-S has been unable to roil or boil past violence-- family violence, as a method of control, and ultimately a hazard too often causing injury to those considered most vulnerable.

Too often there is a willingness to excuse the offender, point out the adverse impacts of punishment for the victims, and move on to protect the integrity of the institutions.

Goodell, as commissioner of the NFL had the power on Sept. 19, 2014 to declare zero tolerance for domestic violence, outlawing those suspected of victimizing others from the game until their names were cleared.  He could have taken an extreme stand, instead of forming a safe and deliberative committee.

He could have created a category that would have dramatically altered Fantasy Football and given bookies across the country sleepless nights.

"Physically unable to perform because they are suspected of beating their children, wives, girlfriends, or playing grab-ass with an unwilling waitress."

The season tickets are purchased, the schedule is set, yet, female fans make up 45 percent of the fan base for the NFL, and if you look in the stands, beyond the NUTCASES in the dude jerseys out there in Peanut Heaven acting crazy, they represent maybe 48 percent of the fans in the decent seats.

Women now have opportunities to bring structural change to male sports, simply by declaring "you must be acceptable or you WILL BE BROKE."  They also have a chance to dramatically alter the debate-- or lack their of around the antiquated issue of FAMILY VIOLENCE.

"You will commit to fixing this, or your silence says "you just don't get it."

This is a problem in the house, next door, down the street, in the neighborhood, in our towns, our cities, the region, our states and in our country.

Football is America's sport. Men and women love the game, but violence in the home and the family is an unpleasant American tradition.

Fix it by facing it.

COVERGIRL'S RIP-OFF ads  are PERHAPS THE RIGHT IDEA.

See you Sunday, and if you want, change the game.-- Then, make sure that those graced with the privilege of elected office consider the value of moving once and for all, beyond the tragedies of domestic violence as a basic fact of life.

The number one domestic issue in the United States is violence, if it is not, then ask yourself, why not? Then decide if you are good with that.

The Talk

"You will run into people in these streets who don't give a damn about you."

That is a statement generations of young men heard from fathers, grandfathers, uncles, coaches and male teachers.

It was often the opening statement of "The Talk."  One of those critical life lessons that needed to be verbalize and reinforced in as young males asserted their independence.

It was often followed by reminders that one of a male's greatest obligations to his family was coming home.  Because if he cannot come home he cannot provide for his children or his mother and he cannot defend his sisters.

"The Talk" remains every bit as critical today.  It is the time to cover all those situations where potentially deadly force could mean the difference between survival and tragedy.

Raising our young men to confront all situations directly does not necessarily prepare them for any challenge they might face.

A people conditioned to flourish in a society of oppression only accomplished that by knowing how to assess, think, plan and react thoughtfully to the challenges they encountered in their lives.

In my nearly 60 years, I have known many men who have survived conflicts with those who did not give a damn about them.  I have also seen many families crushed under the grief of deadly violence.

"The Talk" is a memorable conversation many of us had with very wise older men.  They may not have had a lot of schooling, and some might have even been illiterate, but they knew their obligations and they understood the threats.

If we want our young men to one day be old men, some things can not remain unsaid.

Sons, nephews, their friends, and the young men in the lives of our daughters and granddaughters who may not know, or may not hear, it from those who'd mourn their loss the most, need to hear it somewhere.

"You will run into people in these streets who don't give a damn about you." Start the conversation there and then let them know why that matters.

Word, it's what it is!

Hoodies Don't Mean Danger

A question came up Friday night about what hoodies are. The first one i received was cotton fleece gray. It was surplus from World War II and not unlike one my dad brought home from service in the merchant marine.

  They have been part of American life for generations. They do not make anyone suspicious. 

 

 Homeboys wear them, Wiggers wear them, skater boys where them. No athlete, male or female who went to the NCAA tournaments would have traveled without one.

They are seen at soccer games, cheer leading competitions and gymnastics meets. Head out on a Saturday and they are the garment of choice at most coffee shops. Moms pack them in their diaper bags to pull over their infants' onesies if the weather gets cold or wet.

Hoodies have universal utility. they offer protection from the weather, but lack the armor to defend against deadly force. If you ignore the facts of this story, you place the safety of all you care about at risk.

Followed because you look suspicious for wearing a hoodie in March, even in Florida?

Clothes do not make the man. In this case, they did not protect the child.

Enough!

I was in my late 30s when I finally stopped being an automatically suspicious person. Still, my instincts tell me that the best way to encounter armed authorities, particularly after dark is with my driver's side window down and my hands  firmly gripping the steering wheel at 10 and two.

The Trayvon Martin case saddens me, angers me, and troubles me.  A 17-year-old child, dressed like anybody's 12 to 22 year-old child walks toward his house through a subdivision where his parents pay taxes and a mortgage wound up dead.

The 9-1-1 tapes are chilling. You hear a young boy screaming in terror. He is 140 pounds, with a soda and some candy in his pockets and he is walking home. Someone decided he looked like he was up to something and despite appeals from a 9-1-1 operator, chose to go after him in an S-U-V.

This citizen watchman not only decided to confront this child, but felt somehow he had authority to try and grab him, hold him and detain him not far from the presumed safety of his parents home.

We have to assume a struggle took place. Any of us who are parents would expect our children to run from danger in the interest of their survival., When he couldn't get away, he begged the darkness for help. Perhaps he tried in vain to protect himself with defensive maneuvers, even as his child's voice wailed out in terror.

If you have not heard the 9-1-1 tapes from this sordid, sick incident. I encourage you to listen: Trayvon Martin 9-1-1 Call



 They are the sounds of distant witnesses who at least had the human decency to call police. They are also the tragic screams of anybody's child. If you listen you may hear the utterances of disbelief from a boy who could not understand why walking home became the final seconds of his too short life.

Some would try to desensitize a mother's pain by suggesting that this is just another case of street violence. While it is true that young people are die everyday in our cities and some of our suburbs, there are no indications that this was about drugs, or girls or labeled shoes or jewelry or leather jackets or gang violence.

This was not a domey, or a case of "Addidas Up," as i have heard law enforcement officers describe incidents of domestic violence or neighborhood beefs repeatedly over the years.

This was just a kid, headed home, who allegedly ran into the wrong wannabe vigilante. Neighborhood watch people simply watch, they do not drive up as judges, juries and executioners and blow away their neighbors' children.

We have allowed ourselves to be desensitized to so much of the violence and other problems occurring in our own backyards. If our hearts become cold to any parents' pain, then who are we? Could we meet our God with such apathy for the worth of the living and claim for a moment we lived our lives for good?

One Dangerous World

War, terrorism, political famines, acts of God and random crimes. We live in a very dangerous world.

But even if we have to be on guard, most of us still try to live.

No one can know when they could get caught up in events where their very survival will be on the line.

You can drive defensively ans still be involved in a crash; you can eyeball all 150 people who board a crowded train car and still become a victim of collateral damage when and if something happens; you cannot make a storm change course by the force of your will.

But you can decide to live without fear.

For most of my young life I knew governments, the United States, the Soviet Union and others, could blow up the world.

Today the talk about limited nuclear war. Some extremely well armed countries are dealing with internal strife that could spiral into civil wars.

Who ultimately will control their weapons or keep up with their technology is anybody's guess.

We live in a very dangerous world, and while I may think about it, I am much too busy living life to worry about all the possibilities. 

Perhaps we will be here to see tomorrow, but maybe not.

Guns Kill People if People Want them Too

12/20/2011

Terrible Tragedies --

This is what our children are doing. Seventy people were arrested and 161 guns seized over the past year in a sting operation mounted by police in Washington, D.C. Police set up a recording studio and put out the word that they were interested in guns and drugs.

They took in more than $7 million in various drugs and illegal weapons. They also learned a lot about murders and other crimes, including a plot to take down the studio and possibly kill everybody inside.

The word often used on the street between folks in the life is "soldier." They use it as a term of honor and respect among themselves, even though it has nothing to do with crap like this.

There is no honor in street violence. There is no discipline in dealing death for a few dollars. There is no manhood in disrespect for humanity.

That's the tragedy of it. Not just the funerals of people who die much too young for being in the life, but too often, the good folks caught up in the violence and the mothers, sisters and children who shed tears or won't venture outside without looking out the blinds first.

When I drive through cities and see young men on canes, or in wheelchairs for all the wrong reasons, it's hard to not think of them as the lucky ones who have survived a plague of urban violence that's ripping our families apart.

Music used to be fun, and it still should be. This is not a blast at rap or hip hop. They are art forms no different than jazz, R&B or country. We are losing a generation to a war on the human spirit.

The tragedy is thuggery, and the indignation that doesn't rise up until the honored dead are family, close friends, or the children of someone we know.

Don't hate the players, hate the game. The stakes are life or death.

— with Jeanmarie Stokes at Any Sad City, USA .